Perspectives on depression, distress, dysregulation, and how to gain more emotional health
"I only know that summer sang in me a little while, that in me sings no more." poet Edna St. Vincent Millay (1892-1950)
"Depression is a liar because it warps your perception of reality." Emma McAdam, LMF
"The brain has a negativity bias…” Julie Bjelland, LMFT
When trauma remains unresolved as adults, "you’re gonna see the sleep issues, digestive issues, the anxiety, the depression..." Aimie Apigian, MD
"Unsettled internal struggles can lead to dark moods and declining self-esteem. Eventually, too, depression can set in." Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz
"A dysregulated nervous system can turn routine experiences into sources of stress.” Dr Cathleen King, DPT
Kristen Bell experienced depression in college and “felt plagued with a negative attitude and a sense that I was permanently in the shade."
Anne Hathaway suffered from anxiety and depression as a teen: “I said to Mom, ‘Do you remember that girl? She has now gone, gone to sleep."
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Experiencing ‘dark moods’ like depression, many of us feel discouraged and deflated from the idea that these moods are now with us to stay. Not true.
"Depression is a liar because it warps your perception of reality."
Emma McAdam, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) adds:
"It twists your thoughts, making you believe things that aren’t true, even though they feel real. Here are 5 of the biggest lies depression tells—and the truth behind them.
1. The first Lie: “You’re never going to be happy again.” “Nothing will ever get better.”
Depression makes it seem like the pain will last forever, like you’re stuck in a tunnel with no exit. And you start to believe that there’s no point in trying.
The Truth: Feelings change. Life shifts. Even if you’ve felt this way for a long time, it doesn’t mean you always will.
The fact that you’re here means there’s a possibility for things to change.
Research shows that when your brain is depressed, it has a very hard time imagining options and alternatives and positive outcomes, it’s like you get tunnel vision and can’t think your way out of it.
Because your brain isn’t working properly right now depression is literally blinding you to some really good options you have."
From her post "5 Lies Depression Tells You – Depression Motivation, it gets better."
A related video with McAdam
She explains, "Your brain is so much better at focusing on survival than it is on focusing on being happy.
It's because of this fact that your brain is constantly scanning for threats.
"It's trying to pick out, or notice anything bad, dangerous, or negative, instead of looking for the positive, or dwelling on the good things that happen in your life."
She notes "This focus on survival was imperative to our ancestors, but in today's world, if left unchecked, it can lead to stress, burnout, and depression.
But I have good news, there's a simple way to combat this challenge..."
▶️ Resources by Emma McAdam -
» Grounding Skills for Anxiety free course
*How your stress response works *How to turn on the calming part of your nervous system (the parasympathetic response) *Essential skills for managing stress, anxiety, PTSD, and panic attacks.
» Therapy in a Nutshell Resources: Courses, Membership, Articles/Blog, and more.
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Strategy to counteract our negativity bias
As Therapist and author Julie Bjelland (among others) notes, "The brain has a negativity bias which means we have more electrical activity in our brain when we're exposed to things that are negative."
She writes that this brain tendency toward negativity "has to do with the evolution of humans in general because we used to be living out on the land and could be attacked by a lion at any moment.
"You had to be very conscious of threats. But the brain can't tell the difference between a real threat and a perceived threat."
As a consequence of this brain wiring, "stress, nervousness, fear...can actually trigger a response in the brain that alerts your system to think that it needs to set off these alarm bells."
And, she notes, "that happens even more so in highly sensitive people."
One of the strategies she suggests to counteract negativity bias is to keep a positivity journal.
Resources
» Free class "Tools For A Chaotic World" by Julie Bjelland, LMFT.
» Creative Mind highly sensitive person posts and podcasts.
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Trauma and depression and health issues
Trauma recovery physician Aimie Apigian, MD:
In an interview with Emma McAdam ("How Trauma Gets Trapped in the Body"), Dr. Apigian noted a trauma response may start very early in our life:
"It was actually our main adaptive mechanism to survive at that time because we couldn’t run away. We couldn’t walk away. We couldn’t even crawl away yet. Right? Like, we’re just babies.
"So, the only way to survive micro misattunements was to disconnect from our body that felt so uncomfortable.
“And so it started to form this habit and this habit of the disconnect is this habit of going into the trauma response."
But, she adds, when this trauma response remains unresolved as adults, "you’re gonna see the sleep issues, the digestive issues, you’re gonna see the anxiety, the depression... you’re going to to start to develop chronic health issues."
Resources by Dr. Aimie Apigian:
» TheFoundational Journey for addressing stored trauma in the body. - "People found a more than 30% reduction in depression and anxiety after 21 days."
» Steps to Identify and Heal Trauma - free guide.
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Depression is Tied to Unresolved Inner Conflicts
Psychotherapist Mihaela Ivan Holtz works with creative people in TV/Film, performing and fine arts.
She comments in an article on her site how some of our experiences can increase depression:
"When it comes to conflict, we usually think of issues that arise with other people. Yet, what if your struggles come from your own internal conflicts?
What happens when you struggle to make peace within yourself?
Sometimes you may not even be aware of inner-conflicts that are seeing you stuck emotionally.
The most important conflicts to face are your own internal conflicts!
Your own internal conflicts can be the source of you being stuck, perpetually unhappy, and hopelessly not able to change your life.
And, it can lead to feeling depressed or even clinical depression.
Often, the result of ongoing internal unresolved conflict is emotional unrest or discomfort, guilt or shame, loneliness or hopelessness.
Unsettled internal struggles can lead to dark moods and declining self-esteem. Eventually, too, depression can set in."
See more in her article How Depression is Tied to Unresolved Inner Conflicts.
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Do You Think Your Nervous System Is Dysregulated?
Dr Cathleen King, DPT, is a "doctor of physical therapy who teaches neuroscience principles, and is a mind-body practitioner." She writes:
"If you’re feeling persistently anxious, stressed, or physically unwell, it might be more than just a temporary response to life’s challenges—it could be a sign of a dysregulated nervous system.
"Ultimately, our nervous system is responsible for helping us manage stress, process emotions, and keep our bodily functions in balance.
"When it’s out of sync, however, it can leave us feeling on edge, disconnected, or worn down in ways that don’t seem to improve."
Causes of Dysregulation
"Here are some of the primary causes of a dysregulated nervous system:
Trauma...Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs)...
Chronic Stress...Lifestyle Factors..."
King explains, "A dysregulated nervous system can turn routine experiences into sources of stress.
“The things you used to handle easily may feel intimidating or exhausting, and tasks that once brought joy might feel overwhelming.”
And, she adds, “This state can leave you feeling anxious and jumpy like you’re always bracing yourself for something—even if nothing specific is wrong...
"One of the most apparent symptoms is emotional dysregulation, where managing feelings becomes challenging.
“You might experience frequent irritability, mood swings, or difficulty staying calm. Even small events can trigger intense emotional reactions, leaving you feeling overwhelmed."
See much more in her article Understanding A Dysregulated Nervous System: The Symptoms and Signs.
Follow the link to her site with more articles, a membership program, and more.
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Giftedness can add risk factors for emotional distress
Psychologist, author, and associate professor Gail Post, Ph.D. notes that although "depression, anxiety and self-defeating behaviors are universal, giftedness poses specific challenges that bring with it several risk factors for emotional distress.
"Gifted children and adults are not more prone to psychological problems; rather, emotional distress among gifted individuals may be precipitated, heightened or modified by these gifted traits: Overthinking...Perfectionism..."
See more in her Substack post Gifted children and adults: When is therapy helpful?
Existential Depression
James T. Webb, PhD, founder of SENG (Supporting Emotional Needs of the Gifted), commented:
“Although an episode of existential depression may be precipitated in anyone by a major loss or the threat of a loss which highlights the transient nature of life, persons of higher intellectual ability are more prone to experience existential depression spontaneously."
See more in my article Existential Depression – Creative, Sensitive People In Need Of Meaning.
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Kristen Bell on Depression and Self Esteem
In her candid article about dealing with her depression, actor Kristen Bell recalls that in college she “felt plagued with a negative attitude and a sense that I was permanently in the shade."
She adds, “I’m normally such a bubbly, positive person, and all of a sudden I stopped feeling like myself.
“There was no logical reason for me to feel this way. I was at New York University, I was paying my bills on time, I had friends and ambition—but for some reason, there was something intangible dragging me down.
“Luckily, thanks to my mom, I knew that help was out there—and to seek it without shame.”
In her Time mag. article, she continues:
“For me, depression is not sadness. It’s not having a bad day and needing a hug.
“It gave me a complete and utter sense of isolation and loneliness. Its debilitation was all-consuming, and it shut down my mental circuit board.
“I felt worthless, like I had nothing to offer, like I was a failure.
“Now, after seeking help, I can see that those thoughts, of course, couldn’t have been more wrong." (I’m Over Staying Silent About Depression, by Kristen Bell, Time May 31, 2016.)
See video interview Kristen Bell on Depression and Self Esteem.
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Anne Hathaway once told British magazine Tatler that she suffered from anxiety and depression as a teen, and had an interesting perspective on being a “different person” at the time:
“I said to Mom, ‘Do you remember that girl? She has now gone, gone to sleep.
“She has said her piece and is gone.’ But then I thought, I so remember her, only she is no longer part of me.” …
“I am so sorry she was hurting for so long. It’s all so negatively narcissistic to be so consumed with self.”
Many people might take issue with thinking of depression as “consumed with self” – it is a provocative idea.
But with my own past experience with depression, I think there is some validity to it.
Not that being “narcissistic” brings on depression, but that when we are suffering from depression, our perspectives on life tend to get restricted to our dark moods, and to the bleaker, more pessimistic parts of ourself, having to deal with those moods.
From my post Anne Hathaway on her depression as a teen.
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More resources
See more videos in Playlist: Emotional Health
More emotional/mental health posts & podcast episodes.
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