Self-compassion Enables Emotional Health And Motivates Better Than Self-criticism
Elizabeth Gilbert: "I’ve kind of been a student of self-acceptance my whole life because I’ve had to be."
Tracy Letts: “It’s hard to give yourself a break, isn’t it?
Kristin Neff: "Self-compassion is one of the most powerful resources for enhancing emotional well-being."
Julie Bjelland: "Self-acceptance is one of the greatest foundations of feeling joyful. Conversely, self-rejection can be sneaky and a very painful place to operate from..."
Self concept, self-regard, self-compassion, self esteem, self-worth, self acceptance, confidence, impostor feelings...
Do you relate to these experiences, labels, attitudes, mindsets?
I certainly do. I can recall multiple points in my life where I did not pursue what I really wanted to, or chose actions (eg jobs just for money, not passion or at least real interest) based on unhealthy low levels of self-regard and confidence.
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Elizabeth Gilbert (author of “Eat, Pray, Love” and “Big Magic: Creative Living Beyond Fear”) said, "I’ve kind of been a student of self-acceptance my whole life because I’ve had to be, because its absence – it’s moments of absence – in my life have brought me the darkest pain I’ve ever been in."
The following audio podcast episode includes Gilbert being interviewed for the Self-Acceptance Summit produced by Sounds True. See links to the program on the podcast page:
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Actor and playwright Tracy Letts comments: “It’s hard to give yourself a break, isn’t it? You can’t just decide to do it. It’s not an act of will.
“It takes actual work, whether that means getting sober, getting into therapy, writing or acting in plays, or paying attention and really listening to other people.”
Hear his comments in audio podcast episode:
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Does Self-compassion mean self-centered?
This is an edited reel by Sounds True with Kristin Neff, for their program Understanding Narcissism - "Features 20 Sessions of Life-Changing Insight and Guidance from Leading Experts in Psychology & Spirituality."
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Is Self-compassion just Self-esteem?
Self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, PhD says no:
"While self-esteem is related to psychological well-being, the pursuit of high self-esteem can be problematic.
Self-compassion entails treating oneself with kindness, recognizing one’s shared humanity, and being mindful when considering negative aspects of oneself." [3]
In her TEDx Talk, Dr Neff commented:
"Self-esteem is a global evaluation of self-worth, a judgment: 'Am I a good person, or a bad person?' And for many years, psychologists really saw self-esteem as the ultimate marker of psychological health.
"In American culture, to have high self-esteem, we have to feel special and above-average... Self-compassion is not a way of judging ourselves positively, but a way of relating to ourselves kindly, embracing ourselves as we are: flaws and all." [4]
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An antidote to suffering or feeling inadequate
In a statement on the site for their Sounds True course The Power of Self-Compassion, Drs. Kristin Neff and Chris Germer note
"Self-compassion is the antidote. It’s the capacity to be kind to ourselves when we suffer or feel inadequate, so rather than shutting down, behaving unkindly, or other harmful patterns, we can rise above our pain and embrace the wonderfully human aspects of our being.
"Hundreds of studies are pointing to self-compassion as one of the most powerful resources for enhancing emotional well-being."
The Power of Self-Compassion course with Chris Germer and Kristin Neff.
Kristin Neff says, “In a nutshell, self-compassion is treating ourselves with the same kindness, care, and understanding that we would offer to others when they suffer, fail, or feel inadequate.”
This is an excerpt from the free 5-Day Self-Compassion Challenge with Kristin Neff, PhD and Chris Germer, PhD.
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Motivation and self-compassion
On Dr Neff's site self-compassion.org, she writes about some myths, including:
It will undermine my motivation
"The number one block to adopting self-compassion is the fear that it will make us complacent or unproductive and that we need to be self-critical to motivate change.
"Self-compassion is a more effective motivator than harsh self-criticism. We try to achieve not to avoid self-judgment, but because we care about ourselves.
"This supportive mindset better enables us to learn from our mistakes and failures.
"Research shows that self-compassion engenders a learning and growth orientation that improves performance."
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The impact of trauma on our sense of self
“Trauma results in this belief that we are different, that we’re not enough, that there’s something about us that pushes people away or that we’re too much for other people.
“And so if they were to truly know us – all parts of us – then they would leave us, then they would kick us out, then they would reject us, abandon us.”
Dr. Aimie Apigian adds, "And those feelings of being abandoned and being different are so painful that our system responds in a self-protective way…”
From podcast episode:
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Being a highly sensitive person can make self-acceptance challenging.
Author and therapist Julie Bjelland, LMFT notes:
"Self-acceptance is one of the greatest foundations of feeling joyful. Conversely, self-rejection can be sneaky and a very painful place to operate from, especially as a deep-feeling, sensitive person."
Listen to podcast - see [2]:
References and more resources
[1] audio podcast: Elizabeth Gilbert on Self Acceptance.
[2] podcast post: How self-acceptance is a foundation for a healthy and creative life.
[3] Self-Compassion, Self-Esteem, and Well-Being. Journal of Social and Personality Psychology Compass 5/1 (2011) PDF. "This article suggests that self-compassion may offer similar mental health benefits as self-esteem, but with fewer downsides."
[4] TEDx Talk: The Space Between Self-Esteem and Self Compassion: Kristin Neff [3.1M views 12 years ago.]
[5] Understanding Narcissism - "Features 20 Sessions of Life-Changing Insight and Guidance from Leading Experts in Psychology & Spirituality."
[6] The Power of Self-Compassion course with Chris Germer and Kristin Neff.
[7] How attachment trauma impacts our lives with Aimie Apigian, MD.
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See more videos in my Self-esteem & Self-compassion video playlist.
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This is another of the 'big' topics that I research and write about here and on my personal websites, and I will no doubt not restrain myself from adding more to this post.
So, if you like the topic, bookmark and come back to the post later.
And make any comments, too.
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