How We Can Change Our “What If” Kind of Anxiety and Worry

Therapist Emma McAdam on working with our anxious brain

“When you avoid something, it makes your anxiety go up, and this is really harmful when you avoid something that feels dangerous but is actually safe — like public speaking, taking a test, or asking for a raise..” Emma McAdam

You've probably heard the aphorism about "FEAR" standing for "False Expectations Appearing Real," indicating our fears are often based on imagined or "what if" scenarios rather than immediate, actual dangers.

In one of her articles on dealing with fears and anxiety, therapist Emma McAdam, LMFT refers to her “Rewiring the Anxious Brain” video.

"Now in that video I was explaining how when you avoid something, it makes your anxiety go up, and this is really harmful when you avoid something that feels dangerous but is actually safe — like public speaking, taking a test, or asking for a raise.

"So I used the example of being afraid of dogs and then explained how gradual exposure can help you overcome that fear as you gradually spend more time with dogs."

Here is more from her article, which includes a video with this image above of a rock climber:

Choose Acceptable Risk

When I was studying the illustrious field of Recreation Management in college, we had a couple of classes on risk management, on how to run a recreation program that kept people safe while also helping them do cool things like rock climbing and mountain biking.

So I learned how to go rock climbing in the safest way — how to tie the right knots and use the right anchors, how to use equipment safely and to make good decisions.

And I’ve gone climbing literally thousands of times without any injuries to me or my friends or clients.

But even the most carefully prepared and managed activities come with risk.

I can control the ropes and anchors and knots, but there’s always the risk of a rock falling and hitting you on the head or of an incredibly rare gear failure.

Remember, There's Always Some Risk

So if all those people who asked “What if the dog bites me?” were actually saying “I can’t face my anxiety because there’s risk involved, and I’ll only do a form of treatment that is 100% safe and comfortable,” then we need to talk about risk and anxiety acceptance.

We can’t avoid all risk. Not only would trying ruin our lives, but it’s not possible.

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This post is an excerpt from her article “Anxiety and Risk Acceptance Part 5: Stop “What If” Anxiety and Worry” on her site.

Here is a short video of hers on Acceptance and Anxiety Relief>

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"I love helping people change."

Emma McAdam, LMFT (Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist) adds, "I know that understanding mental health can be confusing and stressful, but I also know that there’s hope. You can change your brain and resolve painful emotions, and I can walk you through that process."

See page of her Therapy in a Nutshell resources, including free course “Grounding Skills for Anxiety,” plus Membership, Blog, and courses on *Mental Health Essentials *Depression *Anxiety *PTSD.Trauma *Relationships *Grief and Loss, and more.

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Also hear Emma McAdam in podcast on negativity bias.

"Your brain is not designed to make you happy; it's made to keep you alive.

“And in order to do that, it's got some built-in biases, including a negativity bias that literally filters what you see, what you pay attention to, what you notice in your life.

"And this is why you might feel like everything is getting worse all the time. This bias fuels depression and anxiety, and this thinking pattern might make you see the glass as half empty."

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